i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
