4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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