I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
