I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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