Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
