I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
