The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
