I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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