You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
