I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
