So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
