you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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