He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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