1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
