they said they heard you say put it in my butt
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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