I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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