We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
