I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
