Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
