I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
