Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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