watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
