There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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