At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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