god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
