We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
