you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
