Cold hands, warm shart.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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