I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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