if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
