he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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