It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
