I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
