I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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