I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
