I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
