dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
