i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
