i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
