sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize