I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dear god my vagina.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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