Who did Billy Mays play for?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
