There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
