I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
