So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize