I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
