So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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