All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The Olympian is in my bed
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
