why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
