So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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