nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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