remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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