dude i'm inner monologue high
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
