thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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