like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize