Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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