So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
