I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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