I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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