Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
