I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize