Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
