My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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