So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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