He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
