i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And then my night got REAL pukey
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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