Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
