Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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