what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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