i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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